I am just exauted. I tried quitting smoking but really I need it to keep thinking.Thinking about how to live on by myself and why I´m still living. You never know how my life has been for more than ten years.Health is the last thing I have to care about.And for me, the most touched is anyone who wants to give me food,every times when it happened I  was so so moved,what I could do is bearing my tear not saying thanks.For lately one year I have felt  I am going to the end.Seriously.All of that is from my hating!I hate all my family has brougt to me.has impressed on me.Before I realized it´s a sick family I have gone 20 years sickly under that impression.I really envy all of you sisters,even we are family,I can´t feel we live in the same world,believe me!